Have you ever heard of Mslexa? It is a quarterly magazine that targets mainly writing women and I have subscribed to it for about four years. I read a brilliant feature in the current issue today that struck a real chord and actually re-lit the candle of my heart. It is by a novelist called Rachel Zadok who was saying how much harder she has been finding it to write her second book than she did her first. It was almost an epiphonus moment for someone whose inner writer has been slowly but surely dying, leaving a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in her heart! I was so moved by Rachel's words that I could actually hear the chains dropping away. Thank God I am not the only one! Thank God I am not alone in the hair-tearing, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking struggle to overcome Writer' bloody Block and just get on with the job in hand! In fact I was so uplifted that I wrote to the letters page and thanked Ms Zadok for rescuing me! How well I can identify with her pain, her sense of loss, her period of almost mourning.
I guess something just had to give soon. Sarah the Publisher called me last week and asked if I was okay. I have been so quiet and elusive, she said, that she thought I'd fallen out of the bottom of the world! She was right of course, I really had. I could not seem to focus, I could not commit myself, I could not write. In ten weeks or so, all I have managed is half a dozen haiku, one poem, two blogs and a dozen or so journal entries. That is an appalling record for someone who, once upon a time, could sit down and rattle off three thousand words in a day, every single day, until something was finshed. Twelve years ago I wrote a 75 0000 word novel in something like six weeks. When I was even younger I used to literally finish one book and start the next.
So the question just begs to be asked - what went wrong? What happened? Oh I could of course (and actually did, too, if I am not mistaken) blame any number of external distractions. I wasn't well. Hubby wasn't well. Cat wasn't well. Mother was in hospital. Gay Friend's parents' house was burgled. The weather was too hot, cold, wet, bright, overcast, windy. The country is sliding into economic chaos. The world is on the brink of depression. I got stung by some stinging nettles. I had to sit and watch A Touch of Frost, or Merlin or a DVD. I had a headache, an earache, a toothache, a brain-ache. I hated writing. I loved writing. I was a writer. I wasn't a writer. I was a bloody pain in the arse!
In truth I could search from now until the next millenium for a reason and not actually find a single one that had any real clout. It was just me. It was Me all the time. Silly, dotty, dopey little old Me. Well not anymore. Not now. My best work is yet to come and in order for it to come, I will find the time, meet other writers, make sure I start thinking like a writer again. I hereby wage war of Writer's Block! I proclaim to all and sundry that Now is My Time.
So thank you Rachel Zadok. And thank you Mslexia. And thank you Blog-Buddies. Now I move forward with confidence.
I'll just go and make myself a cuppa first ......
Monday 27 October 2008
Thursday 16 October 2008
AM I UP FOR THE CHALLENGE?
I know I have been a bit quiet of late but there hasn't really been a lot to write about since our weekend with the grandchildren. This weekend, Hubby and I are going to see Shout at The Chruchill Theatre in Bromley which is, as its title suggests, a musical set in 60s London featuring lots of 60s music, The next family event will be the one at our place introducing Youngest Grand-daughter to my side of the family so that'll be nice. And then there's the Tree-Lighting ceremony at Youngest Sister's village in West Sussex and finally a weekend in Worthing for Hubby and I two weeks before Christmas when we go to see the latest Rock musical, entitled Vampires Rock, which is evidently becoming something of a cult musical. Oh yes, we like our musicals. If you haven't seen We Will Rock You or Blood Brothers yet, please go as soon as you can.
As far as the writing is concerned, I have been going through something of a literary wilderness for a few weeks, only managing a few poems here and there which is not good at all. It isn't that I don't want to write, it is just finding the inclination to sit down and do it after spending all day at the office, that I find difficult. Anyway, I have taken the bull by the horns (or the writing by the quill) and signed up to write a 50,000 word novel by the end of November in an annual writing challenge. There are no main prizes, save a certificate, if you actually do it, but I just need to do something before the writer within dies completely. It will be good for me to have a deadline to work to again and if you are interested in finding out more about the challenge, go to
http//:www.nanowrimo.org/eng/whatisnano
I know it won't suit everyone, but if it gets me writing again, I won't complain!
And I think that's about it for today - sorry I haven't something more interesting to write about, I will try to make amends next time, promise.
As far as the writing is concerned, I have been going through something of a literary wilderness for a few weeks, only managing a few poems here and there which is not good at all. It isn't that I don't want to write, it is just finding the inclination to sit down and do it after spending all day at the office, that I find difficult. Anyway, I have taken the bull by the horns (or the writing by the quill) and signed up to write a 50,000 word novel by the end of November in an annual writing challenge. There are no main prizes, save a certificate, if you actually do it, but I just need to do something before the writer within dies completely. It will be good for me to have a deadline to work to again and if you are interested in finding out more about the challenge, go to
http//:www.nanowrimo.org/eng/whatisnano
I know it won't suit everyone, but if it gets me writing again, I won't complain!
And I think that's about it for today - sorry I haven't something more interesting to write about, I will try to make amends next time, promise.
Thursday 2 October 2008
BUSY WEEKEND
Well - here we are in October. How did that happen? Last time I looked it was still mid-June!
What a weekend! When I got home from the Day Job on Friday last week, Youngest Step-daughter, Clever Son-in-Law and the two littluns were already there. Youngest Step-daughter explained to me about Youngest Grandson's feeds, medicines and sleeping habits, smiling wanly only when Clever-Son-in-Law remarked "I am sure she knows how to look after babies!" I smiled supportively and said "Yes, but if it makes you feel better, you carry on, darling." It did make her feel better so I let her finish. Before they went, Youngest Grandson was put to bed in the Travel Cot but within an hour of their leaving, he wanted Out so we let him up to play with his sister for a while. Turned out he had a real humdinger of a cold anyway so I was up with him twice more in the night administering calpol, puffers and clean nappies and he was then ready for the new day by 5.30 Saturday morning.
I am not sure why but Eldest Grand-daughter now associates her Grandad and I with the Tram and the Cafe and insisted we do both during the day Saturday. We took them into Croydon on the tram and she shared a chocolate muffin with Grandad at Nero's in George Street, then we went for a wander and some lunch and finally headed to Lloyd Park just outside Addington as she wanted to experience The Long Tunnel the tram goes through to get there. At the park, Youngest Grandson snoozed whilst his sister played on the swings, slide, see-saw and climbing frame, showing first me, and then her Grandad just how clever she is. Saturday night wasn't too bad. I think all the fresh air knocked Youngest Grandson out and I only got up with him once when his asthma made him cough and grizzle which meant another dose of Salbutomol. I give him his credit though. For all the fact he is only nine months old he certainly copes well with his puffer and he was quite happy to go back to bed where he slept until just after 6 a.m.
We'd arranged to meet their parents in Croydon on the Sunday so we could buy Eldest's Grand-daughter's birthday present. After half an hour in The Early Learning Centre, she picked a washing Machine, and a Shopping Trolley (her choice - at three, Political Correctness falls by the wayside; she wants to emulate Mum, and that's all there is to it) then we head off for some lunch together at Nando's (their treat). Later, Hubby went into work and I squeezed into the car (not easy with two booster seats and a big backside like mine but we made it) and went home. They had left by around 5 p.m. and the exhaustion suddenly hit me like a sledge hammer. I mean how do these young parents do it? I fell into bed at 7.00, got up just before nine, had a bite to eat as I watched Jonathan Creek then went back to bed at ten where I stayed till the following morning.
Woke up Monday with Youngest Grandson's humdinger which wiped me out for three days before I began to feel better yesterday morning and all I have left now is a tickley cough, thank goodeness. There was a time not so many years ago that a cold like that would have led to a full blown asthma attack and ten days in hospital. I must getting more resilient as I get older.
It is always a real treat having our babies for the weekend and we cherish every second but my God is it tiring! And of course having them and then the humdinger meant that no writing at all has been done this week - except for one very short poem in preparation for Poppy Day and this blog. Now next week, I will make sure I do something. I have promised a fellow Writewords member a critique on her children's story so that is my first priority. I also need to upload some new work of my own because the summery poem and kid's story currently displayed there are now weeks out of date. Plus, I really do have to make some time to sort out the research I have already done for The Historical Novel - or The Emma Book as it is now known throughout the family. And I still need to find a way that I can maintain a steady income whilst promoting the Yuck series, so there is plenty to do. It is just a case of finding the time. Still - something will turn up, I am convinced of that.
Catch you later.......
What a weekend! When I got home from the Day Job on Friday last week, Youngest Step-daughter, Clever Son-in-Law and the two littluns were already there. Youngest Step-daughter explained to me about Youngest Grandson's feeds, medicines and sleeping habits, smiling wanly only when Clever-Son-in-Law remarked "I am sure she knows how to look after babies!" I smiled supportively and said "Yes, but if it makes you feel better, you carry on, darling." It did make her feel better so I let her finish. Before they went, Youngest Grandson was put to bed in the Travel Cot but within an hour of their leaving, he wanted Out so we let him up to play with his sister for a while. Turned out he had a real humdinger of a cold anyway so I was up with him twice more in the night administering calpol, puffers and clean nappies and he was then ready for the new day by 5.30 Saturday morning.
I am not sure why but Eldest Grand-daughter now associates her Grandad and I with the Tram and the Cafe and insisted we do both during the day Saturday. We took them into Croydon on the tram and she shared a chocolate muffin with Grandad at Nero's in George Street, then we went for a wander and some lunch and finally headed to Lloyd Park just outside Addington as she wanted to experience The Long Tunnel the tram goes through to get there. At the park, Youngest Grandson snoozed whilst his sister played on the swings, slide, see-saw and climbing frame, showing first me, and then her Grandad just how clever she is. Saturday night wasn't too bad. I think all the fresh air knocked Youngest Grandson out and I only got up with him once when his asthma made him cough and grizzle which meant another dose of Salbutomol. I give him his credit though. For all the fact he is only nine months old he certainly copes well with his puffer and he was quite happy to go back to bed where he slept until just after 6 a.m.
We'd arranged to meet their parents in Croydon on the Sunday so we could buy Eldest's Grand-daughter's birthday present. After half an hour in The Early Learning Centre, she picked a washing Machine, and a Shopping Trolley (her choice - at three, Political Correctness falls by the wayside; she wants to emulate Mum, and that's all there is to it) then we head off for some lunch together at Nando's (their treat). Later, Hubby went into work and I squeezed into the car (not easy with two booster seats and a big backside like mine but we made it) and went home. They had left by around 5 p.m. and the exhaustion suddenly hit me like a sledge hammer. I mean how do these young parents do it? I fell into bed at 7.00, got up just before nine, had a bite to eat as I watched Jonathan Creek then went back to bed at ten where I stayed till the following morning.
Woke up Monday with Youngest Grandson's humdinger which wiped me out for three days before I began to feel better yesterday morning and all I have left now is a tickley cough, thank goodeness. There was a time not so many years ago that a cold like that would have led to a full blown asthma attack and ten days in hospital. I must getting more resilient as I get older.
It is always a real treat having our babies for the weekend and we cherish every second but my God is it tiring! And of course having them and then the humdinger meant that no writing at all has been done this week - except for one very short poem in preparation for Poppy Day and this blog. Now next week, I will make sure I do something. I have promised a fellow Writewords member a critique on her children's story so that is my first priority. I also need to upload some new work of my own because the summery poem and kid's story currently displayed there are now weeks out of date. Plus, I really do have to make some time to sort out the research I have already done for The Historical Novel - or The Emma Book as it is now known throughout the family. And I still need to find a way that I can maintain a steady income whilst promoting the Yuck series, so there is plenty to do. It is just a case of finding the time. Still - something will turn up, I am convinced of that.
Catch you later.......
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