POST-OP BLUES

Made it out of the op ok. Am still quite sore - sitting up at a table to use the laptop doesn't really help but I am getting there slowly and surely. Feeling rather bruised emotionally today though, even though the op was a week ago. Felt fine until I realised I can't afford to take my full two weeks recovery time. Theoretically speaking I should not be going back to the day job until Monday week. But because the company I have wasted seven years of life on with hardly a day off sick along the way don't pay sick pay and because the statutory sick pay is so abysmal, I have got no choice but to go back next Tuesday (albeit on a part time basis), just so I can clear a repectable wage packet at the end of the month. Naturally this has filled me with the post-op blues I have thus far managed to stultify. Or should that be stullify?

I can't help brooding on the fact that the reduced recuperation period means I will not be able to do anywhere near the amount of writing I had envisioned. This in turn has made me realise that I will probably never be a full time writer which is enough to sicken any author's spirit. And all that has led me to question my very existence and ask the all-consuming, non-answerable question of Why Am I Here?

Ah well - let's not go there. I am trying to convince myself that I will feel better tomorow. At least I wrote a poem on Tuesday. And woke up with the smidge of a new idea this morning. It is sad that it's little things like that which - in my current mood - keep me going......