SECRET SANTA OR BUST ....

We have done a Secret Santa at the day job. The spending limit was £10.00 and today I brought my contribution into the office. I had a Brand New Bear created at the Build-A-Bear Workshop in Centrale, Croydon, named after the lucky recipiant who just happens to be male and the sales manager. I chose a bear because he collects them and my bet was that he had never had one created just for him so, when his name fell to me in the name draw, I knew exactly what I would be getting for him. Hubby made an interesting comment though as I emerged triumphant with the new bear snug in his travel box. He said "I hope whoever got your name is just as thoughtful." This is a valid point. Last year, I was working in a different part of the company and we were encouraged to write a suggestion or two before the names went into the hat for picking. I wrote "Thorntons Chocolates or Smiths voucher" and I got a Smiths Voucher which was then put towards the price of the 2008 Poetry Writer's Handbook. This year, no such option was given so who knows what any of us will end up with? Do men take things like a Secret Santa seriously or is that strictly a female domain? I have been worried ever since that I will end up with totally inappropriate smellies, a vibrator or some Chocolate Body Paint - or something from the Pound Shop. I don't mean to sound ungrateful and I know it is the thought that counts. But I also know, from working with men that, by and large, their thoughts tend to be made up of Sex, Football, Booze and Facebook. It will be interesting to see what us girls end up with if our name happened to be picked by a fella, don't you think? Stay tuned for The Big Reveal which, I have been reliably informed, takes place this Friday.

Talking of Christmas presents, I am at a complete loss this year as to what to get for Hubby. He tells me he is having a similar problem getting stuff for me. It is not only because money is tight. It is also because we have been together for such a long time now that we don't really need anything. We have built up our home as much as the sweet little place will take it; the children have flown the roost and we have all the necessary apparel so what else is there? We did agree to only buy little things to unwrap on The Big Day so that we can put the rest of the money towards tickets to a show - but I know Hubby and a few little things will not be enough as he always wants to give me the world. I know he would like an iPod (although neither of us would know what to do with it, he just likes the concept of having all his favourite music at the touch of a button) and I, personally, would like to get him a basic Mobile Phone but he has flatly refused to get involved with them so it would be quite pointless to get him one. It goes without saying that he'd like to give me the opportunity to stay at home and write and I would like to give him the opportunity to go into semi-retirement, but neither are possible without some help from the lottery so where do we go from here?

I am hoping to get the chance next week to go out and get his stuff and I do have a few little ideas for stocking fillers and tree presents, but no ideas at all for his proper gifts. Any suggestions? I suppose with the world on the brink of economic collapse and everyone still reeling from the Baby P scandal and all the other horrid things going on in the world, that I should be very grateful for the fact that one of my main problems at this point in time is what to buy my husband for Christmas. I do know how privelaged I actually am, believe it or not and I, like everyone else with any heart really wishes only two things for 2009 - Peace and Enough Food To Go Round. And I would actually be quite willing to give everything up to make them possible - even the Secret Santa.

CHICKEN POX AND CHRISTMAS SHOPS

We had Youngest Step-daughter's two littluns over at the weekend. Eldest Grand-daughter was just getting over chicken pox and Youngest Grandson was just starting it. I was up all night with him on Saturday as he writhed and screamed - although he did manage to snatch two and a half hours sleep from around 2.30 a.m out of pure exhaustion. It is a long time since I held such a sick infant in my arms and I felt so sorry for him. He is only ten months old, he didn't understand what was happening and couldn't tell me how he was feeling so he did the only thing he could - cry. Youngest Step-daughter did offer to come and get him but I told her to hold off. She and Clever Son-in-Law recently split up and I knew she needed the break - particularly since she'd already seen Eldest Grand-daughter through it single-handedly. Chicken pox is just so nasty, isn't it? I didn't get it until I was about 12 which is quite late. But it seems horribly unfair for a ten-month old to get it and he really was so unwell.

Youngest Step-daughter arrived to collect the children around 10.30 Sunday morning and looked as if she'd been up crying all night. I felt very angry with Clever Son-in-Law - or Former Son-in-Law as he shall henceforth be known - for not being around to support her when she obviously needed it but of course as a parent - even a step-parent - I know not to get involved or to show my own feelings about the whole sorry mess. We did ask her if she'd like to stay for the night but she refused saying she wants to keep the routine as normal as possible for the two children and Eldest Grand-daughter had nursery the next day. Fortunately by the time she arrived, Youngest Grandson had perked up quite a bit. His temperature had returned to normal and he'd eaten some weetabix for his breakfast - which was more than he'd managed the previous day when the worst was only just beginning - and he beamed up at her, spots and all, as she walked through the door.

After they'd gone, Hubby and I had a whole hour to clear up before Youngest Sister arrived with her hubby and youngest son for lunch - soup and French Stick - prior to meeting Mother in Croydon for a spot of Christmas shopping. Hubby was working so he stayed behind as the rest of us braved the freezing winds and hit Poundland and the new 99p shop with great gusto to stock up on Christmas Cookies and other festive delights. By the time I got home just after 5pm he had left and at 7pm I fell into bed, the lost sleep of Saturday night finally catching up and hitting me full-force! I only woke up once and that was when Mother called me at 9pm to see how I was. I went straight back to sleep afterwards and stayed that way until the alarm roused me the following morning.

This weekend Hubby and I are determined to get the bulk of our present buying out of the way so we are both looking forward to that and the following weekend we are off to Worthing to see Vampires Rock. Less than two weeks after that is the Big Day itself then the New Year will arrive and we'll start all over again - and hopefully, 2009 will be a better year all round.

Catch you again soon.

IT'S BEGINNING TO FEEL A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS ...

Hubby and I went down to rural Danehill in West Sussex last Saturday, where Youngest Sister and Brother-In-Law run the village store, to celebrate the village Tree-lighting ceremony - you know - like Trafalgar Square but on much much smaller scale. Of course Saturday night just had to be the coldest of the winter so far so it was a very chilly group of us that stood singing Christmas carols as the tree-lights twinkled and frost paved the way for snow. It was sooooo lovely, though; thousands of stars, everyone muffled up in gloves and scarfs and hats, mulled wine and warm mince pies doing the rounds, excited children tearing about, Father Christmas ho-ho-ho-ing in his jolliest fashion; it was like stepping back into that old Judy Garland movie "Meet Me In St Louis" and really brought the Christmas spirit into all our hearts. The only thing missing was the snow but that came in droves on Sunday morning when Neice # 2 convinced Hubby and I that we should go and meet her horse Billy.

Now I absolutely love horses. I think they are gentle giants with the lovliest liquid eyes and softest velvet noses and sweetest natures imaginable. Unfortunately I am also horribly horribly allergic to them so that, even though I took two anti-histimines and kept my distance from thoroughbred Billy, I felt my sinuses clog, my eyes stream and my chest tighten from the second I entered his snowy field and watched him canter towards Neice # 2 and regard her with complete and utter adoration. By the time we got back to the house, I was in the first early throws of asthma and had to get very liberal with the inhaler. I did not actually feel a hundred per cent again until yesterday morning, but it was worth it to see the look of pride on her face. The things aunties do for gorgeous neices!

Hubby greeted me last night when I got home with the excellent news that his shares had sold so we can actually afford to go out and do some Christmas shopping soon. What a relief. I know we'd have coped somehow without them if we'd had to, but it does take a certain amount of the burden off knowing we can do it without breaking the bank, now. We still can't go as mad as we did a few years back when we remortgaged but we can afford to give ourselves a Christmas budget which makes the whole thing a lot more enjoyable. And guess what? We have got Eldest Grand-daughter and Youngest Grandson staying with us this weekend and I am sure we will take them into Christmassy Croydon on Saturday. It will be interesting to see how they react to the singing Christmas tree in Centrale and moving mannequins in Whitgift after Eldest Grand-daughter's clear distaste last year. Hopefully she will not be averse to going to see Santa although, I have to confess, the grotto in Whitgift is a sad disappointment after last year's winter wonderland. I guess even Santa must be feeling the pinch a bit!

And as Christmas is now less than a month away, I have got to say how very impatient I am for the Christmas break to begin so that I can write and write and write and work on my new project. Who knows - maybe next year, I really will be able to cut the hours at the day job and do what I am meant to be doing with my life. Well - I can live in hope, can't I? Maybe I will drop Santa a letter - how should it go? Oh yes ... Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing.......

WOO-HOO!!!!!!

Guess what, Blogspot Buddies? I am writing again! What a huge relief; I was beginning to think I'd lost it forever. I am very excited about my new work in progress because it is one of those projects that seems to come from nowhere, yet feels as if it has been waiting somewhere at the back of my mind forever. If it carries on developing at the rate it currently is, I could be sitting on something amazing. And this all came about because I did something I haven't done in ages - I sat back and looked at the whole picture.

As you know, I have had a couple of very dificult years in a row - my health, Mother's health. personal stuff going on in our lives (including the arrival of three grandchildren after having just one grandson for ten years), the job situation and so on. Lollypop came along and took on Yucketypoo, taking me by surprise when they then commissioned two sequels where none had ever been planned. The whirligig of having that published, the ups and downs of creating the sequels so that they were as fresh and original as the first one and tying that entire package together has probably made for the most difficult time in my entire writing career. As I got more and more tied up with Yucks 2 and 3, everything else in my writing life kind of fell by the wayside. In short, I felt completely at a loss. Where I'd been tootling along my entire life writing and publishing the odd poem here, article there and meeting the odd commission, all of a sudden there was a pre-destined path I had never expected or envisaged and I just didn't handle it terribly well. The harder I tried to find the writer I once was, the less likely it became that I would. I think maybe I even burned myself out to a point.

The other week I resigned from being group host to the Young Children and Haiku groups on Writewords because I was finding it more and more difficult to give them any degree of attention. I haven't quit Writewords, you understand; I have just taken a breather. Around the same time, I signed up for NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) where the gauntlet is thrown down for writers of all levels to come up with a 50,000 word novel between November 1st and November 30th. If they achieve it, they get a certificate and if they don't - well they can always try again next year. I will not be getting the certificate this year. A week and a half in and I suddenly saw a new possibility and here I am, three weeks in, rediscovering within myself what it is like to be an active writer again. And I am quite happy to continue along this path for as long as this new work will have me. I feel suddenly free and unfettered. I am writing again because I want to; no more, no less. It is a good feeling.

I won't give too much away about the new project, just in case it changes its mind and puts itself on the back burner again. But I will come back to my blog more often now that I have got something worth telling you about.

Catch up soon.

IN PRAISE OF MSLEXIA

Have you ever heard of Mslexa? It is a quarterly magazine that targets mainly writing women and I have subscribed to it for about four years. I read a brilliant feature in the current issue today that struck a real chord and actually re-lit the candle of my heart. It is by a novelist called Rachel Zadok who was saying how much harder she has been finding it to write her second book than she did her first. It was almost an epiphonus moment for someone whose inner writer has been slowly but surely dying, leaving a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in her heart! I was so moved by Rachel's words that I could actually hear the chains dropping away. Thank God I am not the only one! Thank God I am not alone in the hair-tearing, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking struggle to overcome Writer' bloody Block and just get on with the job in hand! In fact I was so uplifted that I wrote to the letters page and thanked Ms Zadok for rescuing me! How well I can identify with her pain, her sense of loss, her period of almost mourning.

I guess something just had to give soon. Sarah the Publisher called me last week and asked if I was okay. I have been so quiet and elusive, she said, that she thought I'd fallen out of the bottom of the world! She was right of course, I really had. I could not seem to focus, I could not commit myself, I could not write. In ten weeks or so, all I have managed is half a dozen haiku, one poem, two blogs and a dozen or so journal entries. That is an appalling record for someone who, once upon a time, could sit down and rattle off three thousand words in a day, every single day, until something was finshed. Twelve years ago I wrote a 75 0000 word novel in something like six weeks. When I was even younger I used to literally finish one book and start the next.

So the question just begs to be asked - what went wrong? What happened? Oh I could of course (and actually did, too, if I am not mistaken) blame any number of external distractions. I wasn't well. Hubby wasn't well. Cat wasn't well. Mother was in hospital. Gay Friend's parents' house was burgled. The weather was too hot, cold, wet, bright, overcast, windy. The country is sliding into economic chaos. The world is on the brink of depression. I got stung by some stinging nettles. I had to sit and watch A Touch of Frost, or Merlin or a DVD. I had a headache, an earache, a toothache, a brain-ache. I hated writing. I loved writing. I was a writer. I wasn't a writer. I was a bloody pain in the arse!

In truth I could search from now until the next millenium for a reason and not actually find a single one that had any real clout. It was just me. It was Me all the time. Silly, dotty, dopey little old Me. Well not anymore. Not now. My best work is yet to come and in order for it to come, I will find the time, meet other writers, make sure I start thinking like a writer again. I hereby wage war of Writer's Block! I proclaim to all and sundry that Now is My Time.

So thank you Rachel Zadok. And thank you Mslexia. And thank you Blog-Buddies. Now I move forward with confidence.

I'll just go and make myself a cuppa first ......

AM I UP FOR THE CHALLENGE?

I know I have been a bit quiet of late but there hasn't really been a lot to write about since our weekend with the grandchildren. This weekend, Hubby and I are going to see Shout at The Chruchill Theatre in Bromley which is, as its title suggests, a musical set in 60s London featuring lots of 60s music, The next family event will be the one at our place introducing Youngest Grand-daughter to my side of the family so that'll be nice. And then there's the Tree-Lighting ceremony at Youngest Sister's village in West Sussex and finally a weekend in Worthing for Hubby and I two weeks before Christmas when we go to see the latest Rock musical, entitled Vampires Rock, which is evidently becoming something of a cult musical. Oh yes, we like our musicals. If you haven't seen We Will Rock You or Blood Brothers yet, please go as soon as you can.

As far as the writing is concerned, I have been going through something of a literary wilderness for a few weeks, only managing a few poems here and there which is not good at all. It isn't that I don't want to write, it is just finding the inclination to sit down and do it after spending all day at the office, that I find difficult. Anyway, I have taken the bull by the horns (or the writing by the quill) and signed up to write a 50,000 word novel by the end of November in an annual writing challenge. There are no main prizes, save a certificate, if you actually do it, but I just need to do something before the writer within dies completely. It will be good for me to have a deadline to work to again and if you are interested in finding out more about the challenge, go to
http//:www.nanowrimo.org/eng/whatisnano

I know it won't suit everyone, but if it gets me writing again, I won't complain!

And I think that's about it for today - sorry I haven't something more interesting to write about, I will try to make amends next time, promise.

BUSY WEEKEND

Well - here we are in October. How did that happen? Last time I looked it was still mid-June!

What a weekend! When I got home from the Day Job on Friday last week, Youngest Step-daughter, Clever Son-in-Law and the two littluns were already there. Youngest Step-daughter explained to me about Youngest Grandson's feeds, medicines and sleeping habits, smiling wanly only when Clever-Son-in-Law remarked "I am sure she knows how to look after babies!" I smiled supportively and said "Yes, but if it makes you feel better, you carry on, darling." It did make her feel better so I let her finish. Before they went, Youngest Grandson was put to bed in the Travel Cot but within an hour of their leaving, he wanted Out so we let him up to play with his sister for a while. Turned out he had a real humdinger of a cold anyway so I was up with him twice more in the night administering calpol, puffers and clean nappies and he was then ready for the new day by 5.30 Saturday morning.

I am not sure why but Eldest Grand-daughter now associates her Grandad and I with the Tram and the Cafe and insisted we do both during the day Saturday. We took them into Croydon on the tram and she shared a chocolate muffin with Grandad at Nero's in George Street, then we went for a wander and some lunch and finally headed to Lloyd Park just outside Addington as she wanted to experience The Long Tunnel the tram goes through to get there. At the park, Youngest Grandson snoozed whilst his sister played on the swings, slide, see-saw and climbing frame, showing first me, and then her Grandad just how clever she is. Saturday night wasn't too bad. I think all the fresh air knocked Youngest Grandson out and I only got up with him once when his asthma made him cough and grizzle which meant another dose of Salbutomol. I give him his credit though. For all the fact he is only nine months old he certainly copes well with his puffer and he was quite happy to go back to bed where he slept until just after 6 a.m.

We'd arranged to meet their parents in Croydon on the Sunday so we could buy Eldest's Grand-daughter's birthday present. After half an hour in The Early Learning Centre, she picked a washing Machine, and a Shopping Trolley (her choice - at three, Political Correctness falls by the wayside; she wants to emulate Mum, and that's all there is to it) then we head off for some lunch together at Nando's (their treat). Later, Hubby went into work and I squeezed into the car (not easy with two booster seats and a big backside like mine but we made it) and went home. They had left by around 5 p.m. and the exhaustion suddenly hit me like a sledge hammer. I mean how do these young parents do it? I fell into bed at 7.00, got up just before nine, had a bite to eat as I watched Jonathan Creek then went back to bed at ten where I stayed till the following morning.

Woke up Monday with Youngest Grandson's humdinger which wiped me out for three days before I began to feel better yesterday morning and all I have left now is a tickley cough, thank goodeness. There was a time not so many years ago that a cold like that would have led to a full blown asthma attack and ten days in hospital. I must getting more resilient as I get older.

It is always a real treat having our babies for the weekend and we cherish every second but my God is it tiring! And of course having them and then the humdinger meant that no writing at all has been done this week - except for one very short poem in preparation for Poppy Day and this blog. Now next week, I will make sure I do something. I have promised a fellow Writewords member a critique on her children's story so that is my first priority. I also need to upload some new work of my own because the summery poem and kid's story currently displayed there are now weeks out of date. Plus, I really do have to make some time to sort out the research I have already done for The Historical Novel - or The Emma Book as it is now known throughout the family. And I still need to find a way that I can maintain a steady income whilst promoting the Yuck series, so there is plenty to do. It is just a case of finding the time. Still - something will turn up, I am convinced of that.

Catch you later.......