HEAVY OF HEART

I don't know why, but I am feeling decidely low in mood tonight. It has grown with me all day, like some nasty, festering boil. I don't know if it is because of my age. Or because I am so unhappy at work. Or because I just don't feel a hundred per cent. Or maybe even eternal optomists get fed-up from time to time? Does anyone else get days like that? Where it takes every ounce of willpower you possess to get out of bed and then you spend the entire day just getting more an more and more stressed out. It is very out of character for me to feel so sorry for myself but in fact I do feel sorry for myself, which is just pathetic.

It is quiet here in my study. Even the cat has deigned to stay down on the sofa, curled up like a monochromatic fluffy cushion - she reminds me of the great big dice that people sometimes hung in their front windscreens(that is going back a bit)when I was young and carefree and felt as if nothing could get in my way. Hubby left for work an hour ago. My brother, who lives in Denmark and who, I have just realised (to my shame), I have never mentioned before ("Bro, these are my Blogspot Buddies, Blogspot Buddies, this is Bro")lifted the mood enormously when we were on the phone half an hour ago. He is the only person in the entire world who can reduce me to a quivering, giggling heap in the space of two minutes and he did so with aplomb tonight! I was literally crying with laughter as he related struggles with his newly installed computer system that brings everything - even English sites - up in Danish and will not let him translate to his native tongue. Luckily, he has lived out there long enough to understand the rudiments of the language - both written and verbal - so I am sure he will cope. He just has this knack of hitting my laughter button and sometimes, when I am feeling like this, he is just the tonic I need!

I have got lots to do. Sarah the Publisher wants the first draft of the third book by 8th March. This will not be a problem. I am going to devote every night next week to getting it finished. She also wants the puzzles and factoids for the second book by the end of February. I have got these - I just need to finalise them and get the drafts over to her soon as poss. To be brutally frank, I will be quite relieved when the series is finished because I am desperate to start on something completely new. It has been a struggle because I never wrote the first book expecting there to be two sequels - if I had known, I may well have expanded the first book in the first place to accommodate them.

Now don't misunderstand me here. The Yucketypoo books have transformed my writing career - and my life - in a way I could never have imagined. I have not earned a penny from it as yet and because the publisher who took it on is small, there have been no big fat advances - no advances of any kind, to be honest, although they have ploughed a huge amount of cash into its production already. I could not possibly have foreseen when the two sequels were commissioned that the books would, of themselves, become a full time job.

That fact, bearing in mind that I also do a full time day job is, I think, what I am finding so completely draining. Which, in turn, lead to days like this when I feel tired, stressed and completely pissed off with everything. I slammed the phone down on the guy I am PA to this afternoon when what he'd called about was not his fault. I very (oh so very) nearly went AWOL at lunchtime because I could not face going back to that office. I grouched at some poor kid on the tram because his bag bumped my shoulder, I lost it with Hubby, who is the world's kindest, most supportive and patient hubby, over something so utterly trivial, I can't even remember what it was and I slammed the lid of my trusty laptop down in rage when I could not connect to the internet earlier. Add to all that the guilt I am now feeling (no wonder Cat chose to stay downstairs this evening, she probably figured she'd be safer) at being such a total Grump all day, and you will see exactly why eternal optomists really can become complete pessimists from time to time.

Oh well, I think that is enough moaning for today. I am very sorry, Dear Blogspot Buddy, if my ramblings have dulled your mood, this evening. Pray excuse the meanderings of a Post Menopausal fifty year old writer who should really (truth be known) know better!!!!

WONDERFUL NEWS!

I came home to some luscious and truly exciting news this evening! I knew, as soon as I walked into the living room to see the glow on Hubby's face, that he was going to burst if he didn't tell me something at once. Eldest Step-daughter is getting married! Not only that but Eldest Stepdaughter is pregnant! And I suppose before I go any further that I ought to tell you a little bit more about my relationship with Hubby's two lovely girls.

Very briefly, I met them when they were ten and six (they are now both in their thirties) and Hubby introduced me to them as 'the lady who writes the stories'. This was a few months before we started going out together and he and his wife had already been separated for three years or so. He was raising the children with a huge amount of help and support from his parents and, luckily for me, I got on with both children from Day One. Consequently, I watched them grow, took them to school, helped them with homework, picked them up from school and watched their transition from beautiful children into beautiful young women, married women and finally mothers, and I love them both with all my heart.

Hubby and I knew each other for around seven months before we began to go out together and by the time we did, we were already good friends. We didn't get engaged for over ten years and it was another six before we got married. During that time Eldest Step-daughter had married and divorced and brought a lovely baby boy into the world - not in that order, I hasten to add - and met her soulmate. When the baby was twenty-four hours old, she handed him to me with the words "Say hello to your grandma." and I have been his granny ever since.

Never a day goes by when I don't thank God for my two step-daughters and the beautiful grandchildren they have given us. To find out that the eldest one is now marrying and expecting a new baby as well is just the best news and we are over the moon. The wedding is in April and the baby is due in August. Good news or what - even if it was the last thing I expected to hear today!

So there you go - I am about to become a granmaother for the fourth time. Not bad for a fifty year old post-menopausal old girl, wouldn't you agree?

Catch you soon.

A PRESENT TO MYSELF

TUESDAY 5 JANUARY

I went out at lunch time yesterday with the prime directive of buying Hubby something nice for Valentine's Day. When we were in Bournemouth a couple of weeks back, we came across the most extraordinary chocolate shop called Hotel Chocolat, where the chocolates were probably the most expensive I have ever seen and young ladies were walking about in smart uniforms, giving people really nice free samples of their wares -I was offered a piece of 75% cocoa-mass chile chocolate and it was absolutely gorgeous! Whilst we were there, Hubby bought me a small toy dog with a Hotel Chocolat swag bag and told me it was for Valentine's Day, which was really sweet of him since we normally don't give one another anything more than a card for February 14th, and then treat ourselves to a nice meal out. But of course, I can't let him give me something without returning the compliment and I thought - Bingo! I'll get him the DVD of 'The 300' which we saw in the cinema about a year ago. Then, whilst wandering around HMV the other day in Croydon, we came across it as one of a Buy-Three deal - so that went out of the window because it was too good a deal to miss.

When I woke up yesterday morning I thought, I will nip out at lunch time today and get him something else and, dutifully, at 12.50, I hopped onto a tram and hopped off at Centrale. I wandered through Croydon looking at this and that then had the brainwave of looking in Smiths to see if there are any biographies he'd be most likely to read (as they are the only kind of books he will read). I was okay till I was almost leaving the shop. Having decided there was nothing suitable, I was just thinking of where else I could go when I spotted something which, on impulse, I bought. The only problem is that it is for me and not for Hubby! Personally, I blame W H Smith. They obviously hadn't stopped to consider that a writer could walk in and see the most delicious gift package entiled "My Story" and not be able to resist it. Basically it is just a gorgeous hard back book to write in - the cover of which has "My Story" scrolled across it in calligraphy and a sweet little paperback giving you tips on how to write your memoirs for posterity. It is not often I do something so unbelievably girlie. In our house the shopoholic is my husband! And it is now one less day until Valentines and I am no closer to buying something for him! I may have to have another go tomorrowe.

What I did finally manage to do yesterday evening was meet up with Illustrator Ashley for a quick conflab on the new book - or more specifically, the illustrations for it. It was very nice. We met straight after work in Caffe Nero's in George Street, had a hot drink, then spread our papers out across two tables and tossed a few ideas about. It was terribly bracing to be doing what writers do and forget for an hour that I still have to work as a PA. We came up with a few things and I am going to email Sarah the Publisher shortly and update her. Ashley the Illustrator has promised to have the cover artwork ready before 18th Feb which is when Sarah the Publisher wants it and I have come away inspired and fired up again. Watch this space for futher details.

Just quickly before I go, I just have to mention that we had a small Coming Out party last Saturday for Youngest Grandson. When we originally arranged it, Mother was going to attend, but she has been swept into deepest darkest Camberley to recuperate after her accident the other week and sent her apologies. It was probably better that way. I daren't think what would have happened if Grand-daughter had, in innocent joy, gone to leap onto her great Granny's lap and caught the injured shin with her toes. I have promised Mother we'll arrange another tea just for her when she is better. Middle Sister couldn't make it but Youngest Sister did and she brought along Lovely Brother-in-Law, 19-year old Neice and 10 year old Nephew. Everyone had cuddles with Grand-daughter and Youngest Grandson and 10 year old Nephew found himself very much the object of Grand-daughter's affections when she trailed around after him all afternoon and had him rolling around the floor like a two year old himself! It was really nice and Youngest Grandson was on his very best behaviour.

I think that's it for now so I better go - stuff to do. Catch you next time. Hopefully with a present for Hubby to tell you about!

ITCHING

Hello one and all. Pleased to tell you that my mum is okay after her accident. She has got a long way to go before she completely recovers but she is getting there. Super Aunt is taking her home to Camberley next week to help her recuperate and I am sure she'll be fine, but it was a scare, there is no doubt about that!

So here it is - the great writing update. I am starting to pick up my pen again. I just seemed to lose my way in the word maze for a few weeks and I have been struggling to focus on anything. Today however, I have managed to enter two poems for children for a competition and uploaded another to WriteWords which is the best writer's site I have ever come across. It is my intention - misguided or not - to enter at least one competition every month this year. I know the books are keeping me busy but I need to keep my finger in as many other pies as possible. On Monday this week, I was chuffed to receive six copies of the first book through the post and I am hearing that more and more people are ordering it - one school has ordered 18 copies for their library - which is terrific. The second book is written and just needs finalising. I have been trying to see Ashley the Illustrator ever since Christmas and finally confirmed a meeting with him straight from work last Thursday - which I then had to cancel because of a certain person's fight with a bus forty times bigger than she is! I have been ringing and texting him all week but he hasn't come back to me yet so I shall just have to persist. Sarah the Publisher wants the cover artwork for the second book by mid-February so I have got no choice, I shall have to persist. I actually got an email from Amazon the other morning, asking me if I wanted to pre-order the second book due for publication on 8 September; which is somewhat surprising news to me that's very welcome at the same time.

Sarah the Publisher did say she wants some puzzles and Factoids to appear at the back of the second book and I am delighted to announce that I have succeeded in producing a wordsearch puzzle suitable for 5 - 7 year olds after the nth attempt, so it's a start. The Factoids shouldn't be difficult to find. If I can get Ashley the Illustrator to do a Spot the Difference puzzle I think Sarah the Publisher will be quite happy with that. Then I will have to knuckle down and get the third book actually written. I know that certain High Street supermarket chains have said they'd like to sell the whole series so who knows - maybe more than a few dozen people will eventually know about Yucketypoo!

As far as long term plans are concerned, I am still looking for a part time job to enable me to spend more time answering my calling, plus I am determined to get an agent this year. A famous agent who handles adult books recommended I try a famous agent who handles children's books - but I was very put out by her lack of interest; she didn't even want to know when I told her who had recommended her. I have said on the WriteWords site that I wouldn't recommend any other writer approaches them unless they are J K Rowling, Philip Pullman or Jacqueline Wilson. I told her the first book had already been published and that two more had been commissioned and what did she reply? That she does not have sufficient confidence in my 'manuscript' to accept me as a client. And this despite the fact I sent a copy of the book to her. Ah well! Her loss. I'll find someone else.

I must admit I am feeling pretty fired up - so it is appropriate that, as I sit here and write my blog, Bruce Springsteen is on the radio singing "I'm On Fire" - good on you, Bruce. me too!

Catch you later!

REDISCOVERING MOTHER

Here I am, back after a somewhat traumatic few days which began on Thursday afternoon last week. It started off like any other Thursday. I had arranged to meet Mother for lunch and sure enough, when I walked into the cafe at one o'clock, there she was, sipping her tea with a ready smile of greeting playing on her lips. We ordered sandwiches and more drinks then sat and talked about lots of things, including funeral insurance - although quite how that came into the conversation, I do not know. At five to two, I boarded the tram back to pergatory - sorry, the office - and we waved at one another through the windows until the tram rounded the corner and she was ot of sight. Back at the office, I ploughed in, getting quite elated at the prospect of meeting illustrator Ashley straight after work at Caffe Nero's in George Street to discuss the illustrations for the second book - a meeting we had been tryng to arrange ever since Christmas and had finally confirmed the Tuesday before - and then, my mobile phone rang at quarter to four thus throwing everything into complete turmoil.

It was Mayday Hospital. Furthermore it was the A and E department and even furthermore it was a nurse telling me that my mother had had an accident and been brought in by ambulance. It was but definitely the kind of phonecall that the parents of young children and the children of elderly parents absolutely dread! I gave my colleagues no option. As the news sank in I pulled on my coat, picked up my bag and just headed out of the door at ten to four. Before I was five yards from the office, I had rung Hubby and by the time I was on the tram I had rung Youngest Sister with the news. I also had to ring Illustrator Ashley to cancel the meeting. In blind panic I rushed to the hospital and I was shaking all over by the time I shoved to the front of the queue to breathlessly proclaim my mother had been brought in an hour or so before. "Through that door," I was told. What would I find? Mother hooked up to dozens of wires, breathing with the aid of a ventilator as she sank into further unconciousness? Mother all battered and bruised and laying on a trolley?

Actually no. As I walked through the door there was Mother smiling and waving from a wheel chair. "What on earth have you been up to?" I blurted out as relief and disbelief swept through me in an icy surge. "I tripped as I got onto the bus," she told me. "I have cut my leg." During the course of the hours that followed, I was able to piece together what had happened. She had indeed slipped as she boarded the bus but this was no mere graze. She had a gaping wound on her left shin a least three inches long and rather nausiatingly deep and wide. What's more, her mishap had caused the bus to be taken out of service as the police and ambulance were called. In fact her 'slip' had brought the whole of central Croydon to a complete standstill! Anyway, to cut a long story short, they manged to pull most of the dislodged skin back into place, patched her up with a couple of dozen sterile strips, some padding and a bandage from ankle to knee, gave her a tetanus jab and sent her home with strict instructions that she 'keep the leg elevated and walk about regularly' (!) - so the likelyhood is that I will have the only high-kicking, hop-along 77 year old mother in the entire unIverse for the next few weeks. Of course there was no question of her spending the weekend at home on her own so she moved in with us for the weekend - along with a small suitcase and The Rat. Fortunately, Hubby adores her and she loves him to bits so everyone got along swimmingly - including The Rat and Cat. Apart fom delayed shock and quite a lot of pain and stiffness, she's better than she was. We took her back to Mayday yesterday who have now referred her to her GP and her sister has come to spend the rest of the week and take care of her. There was some confusion yesterday over how she would get to the doctor on Thursday for the new dressing. Neither of us have a car yet going by bus was out of the question. The doctor said they couldn't do anything to help until they had a fax from Mayday. Mayday said they couldn't do anything to help until they had a fax from the doctor. Super Aunt came up with the idea of contacting Age Concern who have a fleet of volunteer drivers so, for the moment anyway, that problem may have been solved.

It was actually rather nice to have her over for a few days. Because she lives just a fifteen minute cab ride away, there is actually little reason for her to spend more than a day or so with us - apart from when Stepdad died and she was devastated, or at Chrstmas time. And, in herself she was reasonably okay. Hubby and I managed to go out a couple of times for a couple of hours over the weekend because she was happy to be left with the TV remote as long as the kettle and teabags were within hopping distance. And I do believe that The Rat and Cat are beginning to forge something of a relationship, too, as they were caught rubbing noses more than once!

I realise now that I still haven't updated you on the writing but hey -blood is thicker than - well -ink, isn't it?

SNUFFLES, SNEEZES AND A BRAND NEW GRANDSON

I simply could not believe it when I woke up this morning with yet another cold! What is going on? I had my flu jab like all good asthmatics should and yet, here we are, two weeks into January and I am full of cold! Anyway at least it didn't rear its ugly head until today because on Saturday, we went to meet the latest addition to the family. He is just teeny - with the most unruly mop of almost-black hair you can imagine, and the darkest eyes which have clearly not yet adjusted to the harsh bright light outside the warm dark comfort of his mother's womb! I really cannot temember First Grandson or Grand-daughter being that little, but I suppose they must have been. Grand-daughter went from being the baby of the family to every inch the big sister in one leap! She even looked so much more grown up than when we saw her just after Christmas!

Grand-daughter very proudly took Hubby's hand when we arrived and led us into the house having chattered all the way from the train station about her brother. Half way down the hall way she bolted ahead and by the time we reached the living room, she was standing beside the little mite with a big smile on her face. Highlight of the afternoon just had to be after First Grandson turned up with Eldest Stepdaughter and the three children endured a photo call truly befitting of A-List celebrities, with cameras from proud parents, aunties and grandparents flashing at every turn - all of which they tolerated with astonishing good grace considering one is 12, one is two and the other only six days old! It really was the most wonderful afternoon, although, in retrospect, I suspect that having a houseful of people less than a week after giving birth, all got to be a bit too much for Youngest Stepdaughter. Her hormones are already in disarray and she ended up just a tad tearful by about eight in the evening. Hubby and I kissed them all and came home but a telephone call once we got in convinced us Youngest Stepdaughter was feeling better and things were back on track.

I realise I promised you a writing update this blog but I really feel rough and it is time for my next dose of Beechams so, if you will please excuse, I will come back to that another time!

Bye for now - my bed is calling.

NEW BEGINNINGS.

Happy New Year! Hello one and all and welcome back. How was your Christmas break? Ours was brilliant. It started when a copy of my book arrived in the post - a perfect bound one! I was chuffed! It looks even better than I could have hoped. Per-lease buy it! it really is a quite remarkable little volume, just right for little hands (Beatrix Potter knew what she was talking about when overseeing the publication of Peter Rabbit with Frederic Warne!). My ten year old nephew read it cover to cover one day, got to the end and said enthusiastically "That's the moral!". I felt like clicking my fingers like Professor Higgins in My Fair Lady and saying "By George, he's got it!"

We saw a lot of our families over the festive season which is always nice. Mother and Arlo (aka The Rat) came over to spend Christmas with us and the chihuahua and Cat just about tolerated each other, even sleeping in the same room at the same time, albeit at opposite ends! We were also joined by Best Mate whose daughter was spending Christmas with her dad and gran somewhere on the south coast. No way would Hubby and I let Best Mate spend Christmas Day on her own so we invited her over on Christmas Eve and threw together a Stocking full of goodies for her. It was so nice on Christmas Day as we all pitched in to get the Christmas Dinner ready. Best Mate cocked up and made two blackcurrant jellies instead of one but we forgave her that. And after dinner we watched the Adam Sandler film on DVD "Night At The Museum". Very funny!

During the course of the next few days, we had a birthday tea at Mother's (her birthday falls on 27 December), a trip into London, a get-together in Leigh on Sea with all Hubby's side of the family and New Year down in Danehill where Youngest Sister lives. We had a treat in London - went into Foyles in Selfridges in Oxford Street and ordered two copies of the book. That was the culmination of a lifelong ambition, I can tell you - buying someting I'd written at Foyles - and we both walked out to the frosty air beaming with pride.

The real icing on the cake though - not the Christmas Cake, I hasten to add - was the arrival on Monday 7th January of Third Grandchild. New Grandson has a mop of dark brown hair and very dark eyes if the photos emailed by Clever Son-in-Law are anything to go by. Hubby and I cannot wait to see them all on Saturday.

Finally there is quite a bit going on with the Writing but I will come back to that next time. For now, all that remains to be said is Here's to You and All The Best for 2008!